Hasan On His Zodiac Sign | Deep Cuts | Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj


“What have you done
personally, if anything—” Damn, dude. “—to try to reduce your
carbon footprint?” This is from Nina. Nina, way to just like– – in the middle of it just diss me. “What have you done in
your life, if anything?” What have you— I’ve been
trying to eat less meat. I’ll do that to reduce
my carbon footprint. I don’t eat red meat. Is that good? I unplug my iPhone
charger from rooms. You know what I mean?
Just unplug it. I rollerblade
different places. Nina, what do you do? What’re you doing to reduce
your carbon footprint? Yeah. You could pick up
rollerblading like me. To blade? Live your life.
It’s super unique. Okay. Right, right, right, right. and you just gotta make
it not look suspicious. and you gotta get out
to international waters… No, you gotta you gotta
take him on a cruise… You know what you gotta do? Yeah, that’s tough. You can’t break that. From your older brother? For real? Yeah. But, do you still
deal with the comparisons? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No– birthdays— I’ll be honest,
after 21, birthdays are a little… Twenty– Is it still a big thing? Yeah, I think
it’s still a big thing in your twenties, right? How old are you? How old are you, out of curiosity? That’s gonna be one of your—
It’ll be devoted just to this one guy? And that fucked up your whole life? Oh, state level? The national? He made the cricket team? What did the best son of
Sharma ji do that ruined your life? There’s seven Sharma jis? Do you have like a Sharma? What are you doing with your life? Yeah. So “Sharma ji ke bete ko dekho”
is like a, “Look at Sharma’s son.” This is from Arjun. “Growing up have you ever had to deal with
a ‘Sharma ji ke bete ko dekho’ kinda situation?” I wanna do that for adults. Um, my baby, she uses one of those
bibs and it has one of those catchers. And then as soon as you’re done
with lunch, boom it comes back. Now it’s a yellow oxford.” So, it’s like, “Oh you’re having a
hot dog with mustard. It’s white… So, it’s white shirts that transition
to another color when you eat lunch. I want transition shirts. You know how they have
transition lenses for your glasses? Um, I wanna do… We’re gonna relaunch JNCO. Don’t laugh at my dreams
dude those are my dreams. Uh, I want to relaunch
JNCO as just a denim line. Can I tell you guys my dreams? I feel very humbled and touched. Can I tell you— can if— Desus & Mero are very stylish. I don’t— That’s, that’s not true.
I think Trevor’s very stylish. Manel? M-A-N-E-L. This is from Manel. would you consider launching
your own fashion brand?” “As the most stylish host we got to see, Yeah, she does spin it. And you’re like— “Mercury’s in retrograde.” Like, like,
“That is such a Libra question to ask.” She’s like, “Is time real?”
Like, like– You know what I mean? You’re just like,
“Kellyanne, why were you late?” I mean, just— Her just
ability to Matrix, like, out of a— Her lyrical jiu-jitsu is incredible. The— Oh, the spin. She’s fuckin’ Vince
Carter 360 windmill with the spin. No, wait. Wait, wait, wait, no. For real? Are you here on behalf
of Kellyanne Conway? Really? You don’t think she has an evil agenda? I wouldn’t give her that much credit
though, she’s been pretty down for Trump. Don’t!— Corey, give me the theory. So… No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. She’s the mole. Your theory is that
Kellyanne is doing the long play. This is your— Okay, so this is your— This is from Corey. but stays in the
administration to leak information.” My theory is: she shares
his feelings on a lot of issues, George Conway, to
speak out against Trump? “Do you think Kellyanne Conway
secretly encourages her husband, Alright. “Do you think Kellyanne Conway—“ “Juicy’s” pretty good. “Juicy’s” a great song. What’s your one song where you’re
like, “I gotta— I gotta sing this song?” A bit? You weren’t busting to
that at like the holiday party. You love “Don’t Stop Believin’”?
Nah, come on, dude. What’s the one song you do? Like, it’s pretty crazy. But it does get pretty…
It transforms people. It’s not that bad.
It’s not that bad. Like, I run… I run like its an
alt-right rally. Like, I run outta the… I run. This has been going on for very long. It was way before Glee. What is it? This has been going on for very long. But that’s one scene in The Sopranos, it— When it comes on at bars what— What’s the deal with
“Don’t Stop Believin’”? This is just more of a question
just for white people in general. You know what song—
what song annoys me? I’m joking. You already know the answer
to this, it’s “Thong Song” by Sisqo. What does that even—
Songs are songs, you guys. It can be English or brown.” Okay. “Alright, what’s one song that when
it comes on, you feel obligated to sing it? They were like, “Just change
the mascot, why does it have to be…?” But did your parents like the school? Go Blue. Alright. Pretty
auspicious, would you say? University of Michigan? Where are you going to college? A Thursday. Obviously super meaningful. So we’ll find out. What day was it? Oh. And did— How you doing in college? “you need to do it this day.” Yeah, and I’ve had the thing where
they’re like, “That’s an auspicious day,” Wow, that’s a lot of power. Oh, and he’s like— But that’s just for
weddings and stuff right? Are you into astrology? So the whole thing’s just a lie? So that’s false too? So, Mercury’s spinning backwards. What is it technically— what—
do you know the science behind it? They’re like, “Mercury’s
in retrograde, dude.” They’re like, “Why are
you a half an hour late?” they’re trying to just
have an excuse for being late. I don’t think they’re
trying to be cool, Oh. But when people say it they
just say it so matter-of-factly, Why don’t they just say,
“Mercury is spinning backwards?” That’s what Mercury’s in retrograde – Huh? Does someone honestly know? Please, like. What does that mean? What does that mean? something bad will happen, and they’ll
be like, “It’s because Mercury’s in retrograde.” Someone will be like—
I’ve heard this too, when they go— You know what I’ve heard a lot? That’s this. That’s every conversation. idea in you head that will take root.” “Today an innocent conversation
just meant to kill time will plant an This is for us, okay? This was today’s
horoscope for Libra. flipped to a random–
just in the newspaper. I feel like they’re plugging—
I’ve sometimes like, Just– I don’t know,
horoscopes are really generic. And I’m like, “Sure.” and people will be like,
“You’re a Libra, right?” Like, I’ll do something
random, like I’ll tie my shoes, I’ve never really bought into it. “Kinda, sorta, I don’t know.” Oh, you were like— that’s
actually a very indecisive thing to say. Oh, it means you’re indecisive? So when you do something, are you like,
“Ahh, such a Libra thing of me to do?” October. So you’re a Libra,
you’re born in September? What—okay, when— do you,
like when you talk about— That’s what I’m talking about,
I feel like the things are so vague. What does a Libra mean? I don’t even know. No, but tell me the whole thing.
What does that mean? I’m a Libra. What does that mean? What am I? Wait, really?! No it’s not, really? It is?! oh. i said, it is. What’d you say? It is? “What do you think of astrology?
Do you think your sign is accurate?” That’s my part. I’ll just tweet big ass corporations like,
“Hey, stop what you’re doing, dude.” I’ll just tweet Exxon Mobil
and Shell, “Please stop.” But I— You know what I have done?

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