Million Dollars, But… Funhaus | Rooster Teeth


Hey guys, welcome to a very Funhaus episode of million dollars but, I’m Adam Kovic. I’m joined by Lawrence Sonntag and Bruce Greene. All right since we usually give it to the most handsome person, Bruce should go first. I guess I’ll go first. You get a million dollars, but You have a drone following you wherever you go and it’s operating It’s always on hovering above you wherever you are. Sleeping, in a movie theater, in the car 24/7? 24/7. He could be your best man, we can put the ring on the drone The other one it acts like cuts her face Also if you want another million dollars you can add another drone to the fleet double up you’d have five six seven ten drones Yeah, someone asked you like why do you have 10 drones right here? I gave you 10 million reasons, why? He can’t hear you cause it’s so loud. I feel like this all drives to you living in a cave somewhere like five miles outside of the city And then you have to come in for supplies every so often But the townsfolk’s team coming Because there’s that giant cloud of drones on the horizon they can hear the buzzing on the wind hey everybody’s gonna run inside and bolt Up and he’d be walking down Main Street alone Okay, so the drillin pal, would you do it for a million dollars remember per drone? I think I would do it yes. They go do it. I knew it I think I like human interaction too much to lose any of that I would have to say no to drone Oh, I would totally do it you’re kidding me 10 drones 10 million dollars. That’s awesome So I will give you guys a million dollars, but your hands will permanently be coated in Vaseline Is there a way I could dry it off cam? But it comes right back right back my backup plan for one fun house fails is to be a bartender So that probably goes out the window like one of those biggest parts injures do all the create fins except They drop the glasses think about it so if somebody like cut you off in traffic or they cut in front of you in line all you do is you get a Car and smear Vaseline all over their car. I’m gonna put it on their wheels then they slide all over the road Crashing Wow got him. What’s the situation? There’s a lot of dry people? Oh, you could help them out with chapped lips all the time anybody there. You go, buddy I’m actually on board with this because I think this can become a lucrative business Where we do a little pop-up shop and people just come by and we just scrub them down And we make money off of it, so we’ll call it Bruce Lee there you go you gotta scrape it off So it’s got body hair and skin flakes in it You could also be the world’s most handjob competitive competition leader basically hold your hand out It’s because of investment yeah And then a bunch of dicks would just go in here and right in and just do a mobs over and over now you’re really Selling me on this well. I mean you wouldn’t technically have to jerk the dicks off You could just give him a slick and then move on to the next one. It’s like that scene in gladiator Where his hands going over all the stalks of wheat? That’s like you but running down the line of everybody’s gonna be in gay porn than all the dicks The thing is though you could get away with any crime, so you could be the one robbing the bank Then you cover yourself best thing they can ever catch you they would never get fingerprints either It would just be vastly over everything They would immediately know because you’re the only guy with Vaseline all over your hands who could it be there’s Man-woman guy who passionately hands could be anybody okay, so million dollars But hands permanently coated in Vaseline Wow I don’t want to do this I love video games too much to put that in jeopardy so now I need my hands dry and grippy. I would totally do it Gentleman million dollars, but you have magnetic balls Owl so like you’re doing dishes. Just be careful careful never go into a kitchen Yeah, you can’t go there pots pans knives forks all sorts of really sharp things shoot at my balls well you’d never be able to get through doors because they have doorknobs sure you’re walking by a car you get set to a bar and It would look like you were humping this car It would be absurd yeah You’d have to get a pry bar in there and just look it What if you have like a bulletproof jockstrap and then that way your superhero can block bolts at your crotch? let’s say it’s Kevlar around your balls like you’re in a bank robbery who stood in front of a bunch of people shooting right at Tellers they would although all the bullets go straight to your balls tell yourself the cock blocker I Think an automatic rifle even if you have like a bulletproof vest around your balls gonna hurt a lot She’s sorry to maintain your secret identity Walking with giant swollen balls that have like keys and change stuck to him who is the cocksucker? What if you got one remove and then powder Center a few somewhere this man’s balls has been powering this city for 25 years You’ll be a hero ha ha so gentlemen made up all these dollars. What say you hell. No. That’s crazy I probably go sterile over the first few days. No. I don’t want that no not four million dollars now Well you guys are pansies I would 100% Sage’s Oh? Adam you’re gonna be the best cock blocker around hey guys Thanks for watching million dollars, but if you enjoyed this episode. You’ll probably like our game You can go check out the MTV Party game as well as the expansion packs an MDB game calm And find out what terrible horrible awful things you and your family would do for a million dollars. Go click the link Somewhere around here if you don’t do it. They’re gonna fire me, please

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