Burnie: Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of “Million Dollars, But…” We have a special guest with us today. We have Adam Kovic from Funhaus and we have our director of “Million Dollars,” Blaine Gibson, who makes us do all these terrible things Adam, since you’re new on the show, why don’t you start us off? Adam: Okay, yeah, uh, so you get a million dollars
Burnie: That’s a lot of money Adam: That’s a lot of money. But every time you go to bed and you wake up, you wake up in a womb As an adult, naked, and you have to relive birth every time you wake up Blaine: So, okay, you know, say you’re, uh, hanging out with your girlfriend or something and you’re on the couch watching a movie together and you happen to doze off, when you wake up are you just like have to be reborn next to your girlfriend? Adam: Yeah, yeah, you’re in the womb, she wakes up and is like “Oh well…” She has to wait for you to come out And that’s the, that’s the whole thing. It doesn’t matter. Burnie: What if she’s, what if he’s late for work and his girlfriend needs to wake him up? Am I floating in there with like, and alarm clock?
Adam: Well you can hear it, it’s like a faint muffle, you know? Blaine: If you need to like, snooze or something, you just poke your arm out Adam: I mean, there’s a hole… Adam: But one thing you have to be careful though, is there is an umbilical cord Adam: You don’t feel it, you just pop it right off But it’s there, you’re gonna be doing this a lot So, I think you start to have fun with it Blaine: Just think of the mess! Every time you wake up it’s just like wherever you are, you can fall asleep at a friend’s house or something like that, you wake up and there’s just like fluid everywhere And you’re just aughhh Adam: You just, you know, take a shower, put on some clothes. Blaine: I’m seeing a lot of advantages. Like, for instance, if you go camping you don’t need a sleeping bag Burnie: You’d need a lot of wet wipes though. You’re out in the middle of the woods and then you’re covered in goo. Alright, Blaine, what do you think? Blaine: Uh, fuck it. I’m doing it. That sounds like fun, that sounds like a fun…”Hey, Blaine’s the quirky guy that wakes up in a womb.” Burnie: Yeah, good luck explaining that one… Burnie: No way am I doing it, I’m out. Would you do it?
Adam: No. This is for my own sick pleasure Blaine: You get a million dollars but once a month for a 24-hour period of time you are at the top of the FBI’s Most Wanted list. You’ve got Seal Team 6 on your ass. Like, they are hunting you down.
Burnie: But only for 24 hours and then as soon as that it’s done.
Blaine: Only for 24 hours. Blaine: At the end of the 24 hours, they realize they made a mistake and they’re so embarrassed about it, they just drop you off in the middle of nowhere and you’ve got like, a bag on your head or something Adam: It is an inconvenience, I will give it that. Burnie: Because you then have your like, on a table, these big Seals, they’re like, water boarding you going “Tell us about the Funhaus! Tell us! Where’s your German accent?” Blaine: You don’t know when it’s gonna happen Burnie: Oh so you don’t know what day of the month? Blaine: No, no, no, I’ll tell you what, no, it’s not your period, I’ll tell you what, I will give you a three hour advanced notice.
Burnie: Think of what it would look like from somebody’s outside perspective. You’re just like, in a coffee shop, killing time on your laptop, your phone rings you answer it, and you’re like “Ok. Uh-huh. Three hours? Ok. Thanks.”You hang up, You immediately snap your cell phone in half and throw it away, and then put on sunglasses and a wig and walk out That would be your life.
Blaine: You’d be getting so many girls Burnie: That would be an exceptionally memorable meeting though If I’m like, at a movie studio, doing a pitch, and then the guys just smash in and they come in and drag me away Blain: Slamming you on the table “Get on the ground, fuckface!” Burnie: It’s like, “I’ll be back tomorrow, we’ll just reschedule.” as they’re like, pulling you out and putting the sack over your head And you could get February 28th and then I get March 1st That’s two different months,
Blain: Theoretically. Burnie: I could get 48 hours.
Blaine: Yeah you just get out of Guantanamo Bay And they’re like “That was a nice guy, why did we arres–GET THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE!” Burnie: That’s exactly right like “He’s escaping!” Burnie: Are you doing it?
Adam: Absolutely not Burnie: I would 100% do it. No question.
Blaine: It’d be fucking fun Burnie: You get a million dollars, but your arms are replaced by puppet arms Like Muppet cloth arms. Blaine: So for me, I like to work out. I’m going to the gym. Adam: Well I imagine you see the face first, the intensity, and then you pull out and it’s just Burnie: When you’re working out, you like, can fully grab a barbell, and work out You can bench
Blaine: I just look really silly Burnie: People wouln’t wanna work with you either because, you’re at a normal office enviornment They’re all typing and you’re typing like this You’re just flailing away at the keyboard
Adam: And if it’s a good email you’re really excited about it.
Burnie: You could arm wrestle with people and everything and it would be like, a full strength arm, but it just looks like a puppet arm Blaine: Inevitably you would just make bets and you would just like, destroy them with your little felt, cute arms.
Adam: I think you would go into MMA. I think that’s what you would do.
Blaine: Kick that puppet’s ass! Adam: ‘Cause everyone’s got different fighting styles, you come in with puppet, no one see it coming Blaine: It’s distracting, you’re just circling each other in the ring and your arms are all like, flying in the air and the guy’s like “What the fuck is this?” then you go in for the punch [monster roar] Adam: You would be the leader of the octogan Blaine: Say I want additional money
Burnie: 3 million bucks, googly eyes. Blaine: Googly eyes…FUCK YES! Can you imagine? You get into really serious talks and it’s like “I think we need to break up” “It’s not working out for me.”
Adam: [high pitched voice] “You should probably get checked for gonorreah.” [laughing]
Blaine: Oh, shit. Blaine: Yeah
Burnie: You’re doing it? Blaine: Yeah
Adam: I’d do it Burnie: You’d take it?
Adam: I’d take it Burnie: You’d…wow. He’d take it.
Blaine: Sure, why not? Burnie: Hey, everybody thank you for watching this episode of “Million Dollars, But..” If you wanna see more of Mr. Adam Kovic go over to the Funhaus channel and subscribe there and if you wanna see more episodes of “Million Dollars, But…” just click on one of the rectangles down here that Blaine promises me will be there. He assured me. Blaine: They’re there
Adam: He’s a liar Blaine: No, they’re there.
Burnie: I’m not even gonna look, I just trust him. Adam: I wouldn’t.