WELCOME TO “THE LATE SHOW.” I’M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I LOVE NEW YORK BECAUSE IT IS NOT WASHINGTON, D.C. IT’S BAD DOWN THERE. IT’S LIKE THE BATTLE OF WINTERFELL DOWN THERE. THIS MORNING, DONALD TRUMP ASSERTED EXECUTIVE PRIVILEGE OVER THE MUELLER REPORT. EXCLUSIVE PRIVILEGE, OF COURSE, IS ACTUALLY TRUMP’S FAVORITE PRIVILEGE,
[ Hushed voice ] Okay, look. We are in possessionof insider information like Martha Stewart.My wife made a tuna casserole, man.It’s getting cold. I’m really hungry.What is this all about?This is about us getting P-A-I-D.RTO is about to take Litcoin.Oh, then other stores will probably start taking it, too.Exactly. That means Litcoin is about to
[ Hushed voice ] Okay, look. We are in possessionof insider information like Martha Stewart.My wife made a tuna casserole, man.It’s getting cold. I’m really hungry.What is this all about?This is about us getting P-A-I-D.RTO is about to take Litcoin.Oh, then other stores will probably start taking it, too.Exactly. That means Litcoin is about to
KNOW, WE’RE STILL ALL REELING FROM TUESDAY’S PRIMARY ININDIANA.IT WAS A HUGE NIGHT.TWO PEOPLE WERE KNOCKED OUT OF THE RACE, AND ONE WAS JUSTKNOCKED OUT.(LAUGHTER) SHE’S FINE.BUT THERE’S ONE CANDIDATE WHO REMAINED STANDING: BERNIESANDERS.(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) BERNIE — BERNIE SCORED A HUGEUPSET VICTORY THAT RAISED HIS CAMPAIGN FROMTHE GRAVE.WHICH EXPLAINS WHY HE HAS THE SAME
-I was wondering if you ever see —If you go on the Internet or anything,you ever see a meme of yourself as a Harry Potter meme,and you go like, “That’s pretty funny?”-I have.I think, like, maybe, a couple over the years.but nothing that I can immediately remember.-I thought you — -I don’t seek them out.-I
Over the last few days,the impeachment case against Donald Trumphas seen a number of big developments.A second whistleblower stepped forward,damning text messagesfrom American diplomats were released,and Rudy Giuliani was caught going through Joe Biden’s trash.Yeah. He wasn’t looking for dirt, he was just hungry.Now, if you were facingthe biggest crisis of your presidency,what would you
>>Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE SHOW. FOLKS, (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).>>Stephen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TONIGHT, TONIGHT I’M PROUD TO SAY WE HAVE THE SCARS FROM THE BIGGEST, BANGIEST COMEDY ON TELEVISION, THEIR SERIES FINALE AIRED TONIGHT AFTER 12 SEASONS. PLEASE WELCOME THE CAST OF THE BIGG OF “THE BIG BANG THEORY,” JIM PAR
-How’s it going?-Welcome. Thank you so much…-Holy moly. -…for coming to the show.I appreciate this.-It’s an honor. Holy moly.Like, I’ve literally dreamt about this momentmy entire life.Really. [ Laughs ]-Really?-Not even joking.But you — this, I got to say, “Crazy Rich Asians,”this movie came out and you’re the star,and you’re fantastic in it.-Thank you.-You didn’t
