Today’s Future Now – Smart Technology: The Daily Show


It’s time to check in on news
from the tech world
with Ronny Chieng
in Today’s Future Now.
♪ ♪
Thanks, Trevor. Got a lot
of stupid tech bull(bleep)
to show you today,
so let’s get into it.
Everyone’s been talking
about virtual reality,
augmented reality,
and whatever hellish reality
we’re stuck in now.
So you’ve probably already seen
the season’s biggest seller,
robotic protest arms,
for millennials who want
to participate in democracy
but don’t want to look up
from their phone.
But, by far,
the biggest tech trend this year
is connecting as much
stupid garbage as you can
to the Internet.
From smart fridges to drones,
artificial intelligence
has been added to everything.
REPORTER:
The hands-free Willow
is the first smart
wearable breast pump.
REPORTER 2: Samsung unveiled
a refrigerator you can talk to.
REPORTER 3: The company’s trying
to make brushing teeth more fun
for kids by turning it
into a video game.
The handle fits
on your manual toothbrush
and connects to a smartphone
or tablet,
turning your toothbrush
into a gaming controller.
If that toothbrush was so smart,
it would tell that woman,
“Hey, your teeth
are inside your mouth.”
Right?
And I know for a fact
smart things are not gonna make
my life easier.
It’s just another thing
for my mom to call me angry
and confused about. Right?
“No, Mom, I don’t know the
password to your vacuum cleaner,
“all right? Just…
You-you entered the password.
You know what, just move
to a cleaner house, all right?”
Look, just because
you can make something smart
doesn’t mean you should.
REPORTER: This product
getting a lot of buzz,
the smart brush.
Sensors in the brush
count strokes,
measure force,
and even includes a microphone
that listens for hair breakage.
REPORTER 2: We can tell
how you’re using it
and, by the sound, if you’re
breaking or damaging your hair,
and prompt you
to use different products
and to change the way
you move the brush.
If you’re taking advice
from a hairbrush,
guess what,
you don’t deserve hair.
You know what else can tell you
your hair sucks?
A mirror, okay?
Mirrors are great.
You can use them to psych
yourself up before a date,
you can use them to cheer
yourself up after a date.
And if you say “Bloody Mary”
three times,
you can summon Kellyanne Conway.
(laughter, applause)
Yeah. Why are we so desperate
to interact with appliances?
Relationships are hard enough
without my girlfriend
comparing me to the dishwasher,
right?
Oh, it does dishes
and is a good listener?
Well, no one can compete
with that.
You don’t have to be Einstein
to know
that making everything smart
is gonna have
some unintended consequences.
That’s a little boy asking
Amazon’s Alexa to play a game.
He’s asking to play a game, but
she misinterprets his request
and instead thinks
that he wants to listen to porn.
WOMAN: Bobby, can you tell it
to play “Wheels on the Bus”?
-No, no, no! No! Pause!
-BOY: No! -MAN: No!
Alexa, stop!
No, Alexa, don’t stop.
Don’t stop. Keep going.
What the hell is
pussy anal dildo ringtone?
And how can I get it
on my phone?
And, by the way,
don’t blame Alexa
for talking dirty, all right?
She learned those words
from somebody.
So blame whoever was jacking off
to the audio porn
on the family Amazon Echo.
That’s a communal Echo.
But the biggest problem
with connecting things
to the Internet is that they’re
connected to the Internet.
REPORTER: The devices
that can make your home smarter
can also unlock the door
for hackers.
When you see something that is
billed as Internet-connected–
be it a car, you know, a home,
a light switch, whatever–
just remember
that that also potentially means
hacker-connected.
If you’re not careful,
your-your devices can be used
to spy on you.
That’s right.
You want a smart toaster?
Well, I hope you like
getting your toast burned
in the shape of Vladimir Putin,
all right?
Because that’s what’s
gonna happen.
Now, if you’ll excuse me,
I got a three-way planned with
a washer and a dryer, all right?
They get clothes clean
but, hey, they nasty.
(clicks tongue)
Trevor?
Thanks. Ronny Chieng.
Ronny Chieng, everybody.
-We’ll be right back.
-(cheering and applause)

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